Good Good Father

 

In church on Sunday, we sang this song that has been playing in my head on repeat ever since.

It’s “Good Good Father” by Housefires (or Chris Tomlin, if you’d rather).

https://www.youtube.com/embed/djrY_eFDOwE“>Good Good Father

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I am singing this all day today, over  my own heart…over my sweet husband, over all six of my beautiful babies and the two boyfriends in law…over my seventh baby in Eastern Europe; the one who has never known a father at all.

And I am realizing something for the millionth time as the words sink in deep.  (God is faithful to teach me the same lessons over and over…as often as I need them.)

He is Good.  Nothing can change that.  It’s who He is.  Yes, even when things are Extra Hard and Really Scary.  In the Big Life Things…He is perfect, loving, kind, and He is For Me.  He is For Sylvia.  He’s not a magic genie that makes life easy and makes it all okay…but He is For Me.  Perfect in all of His ways to us.

I am loved by Him.  Nothing can change that.  It’s who I am.  Yes, even when I struggle to hold onto that Truth.  Even when I don’t feel very lovely…even when I don’t feel loved by Him, I am loved by Him.  It’s Truth.  Even if I reject it…it’s still true.  It’s who I am.

Sylvia is loved by Him.  Nothing can change that.  It’s who she is.

And so I have newfound peace moving forward.  I’m eating this elephant one bite at a time…I’m freezing my hand to the sword.  He stands with me and I know that this is not my own battle that I fight, that this battle belongs to Him, the Good Father.

And when a Daughter asks a good, good Father for bread, He will not give her stones.

deuteronomoy

Good Good Father by Housefires

Oh, I’ve heard a thousand stories of what they think you’re like
but I’ve heard the tender whisper
of love in the dead of night
You tell me that you’re pleased
and that I’m never alone

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, It’s who you are,
It’s who you are
and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, It’s who I am,
It’s who I am

I’ve seen many searching
for answers far and wide
But I know
we’re all searching for answers only you provide
Because you know
just what we need
before we say a word

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, It’s who you are,
It’s who you are
and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, It’s who I am,
It’s who I am

You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

Oh it’s Love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so Unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
as you call me deeper still
as you call me deeper still into love love love

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, It’s who you are,
It’s who you are
and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, It’s who I am,
It’s who I am

You’re a Good, Good Father
It’s who you are, It’s who you are,
It’s who you are
and I’m loved by you
It’s who I am, It’s who I am,
It’s who I am

Eleazar and Me

On Monday, I basically had a nervous breakdown.

I just need to tell you, adoption is NOT for the faint of heart.

Things were very shaky on Monday and we were scared.  Really, really scared that we had failed miserably and the whole thing was going to fall apart.  More scared than people who belong to the Most High God really ought to be.

But we are just people.  And He knows that.  He knew who I was when the plan was made to spend eternity with me, He knew who I was when He died on the cross for me.

Monday scared me.  Because what if we failed her?  What if we did things wrong and we didn’t get to her?  What if we cost her a hope and a future?

We asked for prayer, we asked for good thoughts, we asked for advice.  We hustled with paperwork and phone calls and FedEx and emails to Eastern Europe, to Maryland, to Richmond.

Please Jesus…don’t let us get in the ways of your plans.

So many prayed and so many hustled along side of us and we figured out what will most likely be a solution- a letter that will give us one more month to get it all done.  Please Jesus, have mercy.

Other adoptive moms spoke into my ears and into my heart:

Keep wrestling til you see the blessing.

The Lord is fighting for you.  He is above, beside and behind.

You can do it.  Just keep swimming!

This IS scary, but if you look at all the warriors in scripture, they had NO time. They were NOT prepared. They had NOTHING to offer. Most of them even looked stupid. How many times did they march around Jericho…really?

Take a second to look back at your situation. Do you see God working? Do you see the enemy getting mad? Do you see the enemy’s plans of destruction? Gods plans CANNOT be thwarted!!

Do you believe God called you specifically to Sylvie?  Yes?  Then that’s the answer.  You keep going, you focus on THAT reality and not on the what ifs…They aren’t coming from you, they aren’t coming from God.

Here is what I know.  God is not surprised by this.  And He is not restricted by timelines or deadlines.  And when it all seems impossible, all the more probable that God has a miracle up His sleeve.

We are praying her home.

And then someone gave me an old Testament story from 2 Samuel 23.

 

9Next to him was Eleazar son of Dodai the Ahohite. As one of the three mighty warriors, he was with David when they taunted the Philistines gathered at Pas Dammimd for battle. Then the Israelites retreated, 10but Eleazar stood his ground and struck down the Philistines till his hand grew tired and froze to the sword. The Lord brought about a great victory that day. 

Yes.

Yes.  Freeze my hand to the sword, Lord as I fight.  The anxiety, the fear, it ebbed away and in its place was this surety that it wasn’t really up to me.  It might not turn out all right.  It might be more amazing than we can even imagine.  It’s going to go how it’s going to go and that has nothing to do with me.  I am not in control, but I will fight the fight that is before me and I will trust His will to be done.  I will trust God in this fight.

proverbs

So, I breathe again.  I dry my tears and seek the One who holds everything together.  I renounce fear, I ask for new mercies and they are freely given.

We ask for prayer and it is lavished on us, on Sylvie.

We ask for a solution and possibilities rise up.

We sleep and it seems less desperate the next morning.

“Redemption is costly,” says John and he is right.

Redemption is costly.  It is worthy.  But it is costly.

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exodus

 

The Eleventh Hour

We are so close to the end of the home study process.

We’ve gone through car problems, financial difficulty, illness after illness, dog problems, you name it.

When I start to feel discouraged…someone pops up and says something like this:

God never wants you to NOT rescue an orphan.

It’s always hardest right before a big breakthrough.

We were never sicker than we were the year we were going through the adoption process.  

We’ve seen things happen, miracles even…again and again.

We rallied around a little boy that needed a home, we prayed and we pleaded…and he found a family.  We never should’ve been able to get out of our lease and move to our forever home (that is literally PERFECT for us) but it happened…Things have happened as we’ve dug in our heels and refused to give up.

And we won’t give up now.

Please keep us in your prayers as we reach the paperwork finish line!  And if you feel led to give, no amount is too small. Every single dollar is valued and important to the process!  Thank you all so much!